i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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