I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
