I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
