Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
