Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
