It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
