A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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