Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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