i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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