So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
