If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
