She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As shirtless as possible
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
