Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize