i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize