You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
soo... how was my night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
