I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
