finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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