Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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