Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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