Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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