That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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