The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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