Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
People in love make me want to vomit
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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