If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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