is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
