I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
