I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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