it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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