If i come over, it means nothing
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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