I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
