my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
