It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I intend to get homeless drunk
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
