mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You've changed since you got that strap on
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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