So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
