I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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