i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
