I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My bed smells like the plague
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