how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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