My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
