I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize