At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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