just come out here and I will go home with you...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
