You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
