Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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