how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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