it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
