Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
