so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
