We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
