Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
