rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize