He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We left the knife in your bed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
