Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
