Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
