You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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