Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
