He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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