Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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