I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
40s are totally the cure
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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