Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
