I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize