then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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