Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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