is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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