How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
