Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
