Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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