ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
