I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
