hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
