took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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