I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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