if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize