Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
